I’ve been kinda absent on my blog recently and I have no excuse really other than saying, I just didn’t feel like writing.
If you’ve read my other posts then you’ll know I haven’t been in a good place, and I really didn’t want to write on here if I wasn’t in a place where I could help someone with what I write. I pride myself in trying my best to turn my own situations into something positive for others, and I just didn’t feel like I was able to do that recently, so I took a break.
However I’ve just come out of my last counselling session this semester and I have something I’ve not had for a long time. Hope.
Counselling was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done, purely because I am awful at talking, and I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it. However after some discussion with friends and family I thought I might as well give it a try, the tablets needed something else to help kick them into action. I’m so glad I did.
To anyone who has been to counselling and found it successful I’m sure you can agree that one of the main things is that you feel relieved after it. A weight has been lifted off your shoulders, and the burden of your mind is no longer your own. You have someone outside of everything to talk to, and who will use everything they can to help you. Now that doesn’t mean that family and friends can’t do that too, you all do amazing and I’m grateful for everything. But sometimes, I don’t want to have to let you go through it all, I want to protect you from it, and I know I’m not alone in that.
It’s been 6 weeks since I started it, and I now finally have hope for the future. The post I wrote in the past on the important steps was one of the most important ones I think I’ve ever written, and now I definitely stand by that. Something so small as talking to someone about how I feel, was one of the best things I’ve done.
I don’t want to get in your head that if you find help in this way it’s a sure fire way to feel better, because there is no such thing. Counselling won’t “cure you”, but if it works for you and helps you let a little bit of those black clouds get pushed away, even if it’s just for a day, it’ll be worth it. In all honesty I’m still struggling, my anxiety has been really bad recently and that’s never really bothered me before so this is new to me. I’m not better. But I have hope.
Hope means more to most people than anything. One of the worst parts of depression for me is that I start to feel hopeless, like nothing could ever possibly make me happy. So having that little bit of hope in my life is something I grip onto. It gives me a little edge in fighting my depression, something the depression never expected me to get. So I grip onto it and use it to climb as far out of the hopeless well as I can. Yes, I’ll slip and probably get back down to the bottom, but I have that hope and those steps already there to help drag me back up again.
What I’m trying to say is never underestimate yourself. When you think you’re finished with everything, take a deep breath, a step back and look around, you never know what little bit of hope you might find. Whether it’s a hug from a friend, a kiss from a lover, or even just managing to get out of bed on a bad day. Hope is what makes us human, and hope is what will help us defeat our demons.
This isn’t a post saying that counselling is the best, this is purely just my aspect on it. I urge you to find hope however and wherever you can, I know counselling doesn’t always work and that’s okay. There are other ways for you, if one thing doesn’t work, something will I promise you.
Keep hope in your heart, and try your best to find one good thing each day. No matter how small, the little things are often the best. Find one good thing in the day and then you will realise not everything is bad. Even on the darkest days there is a little light shining on you, you just have to find it and let it show.
You are braver than you believe and you can do anything and everything if you just try to find it and have hope. A little light can go a long way.
Stay strong and keep fighting.