Being Unapologetically Myself

The world can be an intimidating place. It can be so hard to find where you fit in, and even when you find it, it can be even harder to embrace that and be who you want to be.

I love Doctor Who. I always have done, ever since I was little it’s been one of the biggest impacts on my life, but when I was younger I never felt like I could embrace that. When I was in school I’d never get my TARDIS pencil case out because I was worried people wouldn’t like me, or would think I was weird. I’d keep it quiet that one of my favourite things to do after a school day would be to get home and watch an episode of Sherlock. Back then I thought it wasn’t a big thing, keeping this to myself and only enjoying them in private. But so many times I wanted to share my love of things with other people. I wanted to go through everything I loved in the latest episode of my favourite shows and show off the new Twilight poster I got for my room. I was just scared of being judged.

Thinking back on it now, I realise that it wasn’t completely myself that was the issue, it was the people surrounding me. If I didn’t feel comfortable enough to share my true feelings, loves and the things that helped to develop me into the person I am today, why did I stay around them? The reason is because I was so terrified that if I lost the friends I had, I’d never find anymore. I instead hid myself away and tried my best to fit into what I thought was ‘acceptable’ and try to like the things that others did that weren’t so ‘nerdy’.

As I got older I realised that I should never be ashamed of what I love. I remember hearing Fall Out Boy sing the lyrics ‘you are what you love, not who loves you’ and I felt so seen. They’re right, if the people who supposedly love me can’t love me for who I am, then I don’t think I want them to be in my life at all.

Cut to this year and the fear of being completely myself was still there. I recently discovered a love of BTS, and would stop myself from tweeting things about them because it would cause me to almost instantly lose followers on Twitter. Instead I’d just lurk behind the scenes and again only tweet about things I thought were ‘acceptable’ and what I thought the followers I had would like. Then I realised that my Twitter is for me. If people don’t want to follow me, then that’s fine but it’s not something to lose sleep over.

I’ve worked hard to gain the following I have on Twitter with my book blog, but what’s the use of having the following if I’m not even being my true self on there? So now (much to pretty much 90% of my followers sadness) whatever I want to tweet about, I do. If that means 50 tweets about how much I love Dr Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds then so be it (he is an angel by the way).

This year I made it a goal to myself, to be unapologetic in who I am. What music I love, or what TV shows are my favourite are something I’m proud of. I’m happy that these things have the impact on me that they do, and I’m no longer going to hide that away. I’m not going to be an annoying person shoving it in people’s faces, but I’m also not going to hide part of myself away to try to fit in.

I’m lucky enough that I have friends who listens to me breakdown over my favourite books, or joins me in dissecting the lyrics of the new Fall Out Boy album. I have a partner who, even though he probably doesn’t have any interest in things I like, will listen to me talk about how cute BTS looked in a video, because he knows I care, so he does too.

I am who I am and nothing will change that. So now I will listen to BTS loud and proud, show off my Supernatural & Doctor Who tattoos and tweet about my favourite outfits on Animal Crossing. No matter what, I will love myself for who I am and never again be ashamed of that.

Keep Fighting,

Meggan x